I got sorted, and I’m…a Gryffindor. I know, I know. I’m a disgrace to my Sytherin brother and friends. I don’t know how this happened. There has been a huge misunderstanding. I answered truthfully! I had different questions from all the people I’ve talked to, so I can’t pinpoint where I went wrong. Alas, I cannot argue with the hat. Everything is wrong with the world.
The only logical explanation for all of this nonsense is, as Katie reasoned: I am Sirius Black. Whatever, at least I get to look at Hermione Granger in Gryffindor Tower whenever I please.